This was the e-mail
I sent in lieu of an obit

Yes, she was all Jewish Mother. And yes, many times our relationship was tenuous. And of course she liked my brother Brent better. But our relationship was so much more. I am my mother's son.

All those things that drove me nuts. When I do those things with you, my friends, I know ... I am driving you nuts. Whenever I do something that results in an affectionate response from any of you (and it's often) that too is me being my mom.

If mothers were to be judged on how many friends their child has, mom wins the gold. To those of you receiving this email, my ludite friends and those who are in hiding, I thank you for the kindness you have shown while I am saying goodbye to an old friend.

I am doing ok. Mother took care of all the arrangements. She does not want a funeral or wake or any other celebration. I respect her wishes. I will come back to you all in January. If you are able, I want to share mom's 89th birthday with all of her sons and daughters.

Until then, I have attached what would have been an obit if she had let me write one. Read this and have an appreciation of a full life, filled with joys and tragedies, and one that touched and continues to touch so many of us.

ps     A few years ago, when she was living in The Richmond, we were on our way to lunch. We were heading to Gerties in Berkeley and driving down Oak Street to the freeway (way back when the on-ramp was there of course.) We were next to the Panhandle, maybe Clayton, maybe Ashbury when I stopped for a red light. Crossing the street and walking into the Panhandle Park was a young woman (I'd say early twnties.) She was dressed in a combination Folsom Street Leather and Noe Valley Grunge. Lots of earings. Lots of jewelry. And the brightest, the greenest hair you ever saw

Mother and I watched her pass in front of the car. As we began moving mother said "I think she looks fine but, Oh her poor mother!"